Living On A Prayer


I’m about twenty weeks pregnant this week, which means a few things:

1. According to Baby Center (and many other thrilling pregnancy websites) this is the week our baby has jumped in size from “Heirloom Tomato” (because apparently they think the “heirloom” part in there just means “large”) to “Banana.” The fruit measurements are supposed to make it easier to visualize and imagine the fetus, but I just find them confusing and weird. They know that fruit sizes can be wildly variable, right? Also why does the baby keep dramatically changing shape? Ok be honest, y’all just sent someone to the produce section with a list of measurements and they picked random things that corresponded that day, didn’t they?

2. Twenty weeks is halfway to forty! Therefore I am constantly singing this Bon Jovi song I don’t even actually like in my head.

3. I’ve been experiencing some mild (or, ok, not so mild) panic regarding things I’d like to have done before birthing this child.

4. I’m feeling a lot better than I was in the first trimester, and am considerably more functional. But but but. I’m still not as functional or as capable as I, frankly, expected I would be for the entire pregnancy. As the second trimester ticks away, I’m more and more frustrated and resentful that I can’t get the things done that I’d like to. Which I’m sure sounds like perfectly normal “oh I wish I could do more” type talk, and maybe in some ways it is. But we aren’t talking about “jeepers I wish I could clean the house top to bottom” here, we’re talking more like “sometimes I can go down to the kitchen to get my own snack, but sometimes I still have to ask for help.” Bending over still makes me nauseous. Overexerting myself still makes me throw up. I’m working again, but only one day a week, and that is, frankly, still very trying. And people keep reminding me that the third trimester will be even harder and so I’d really like to be able to do a couple loads of laundry here and there. I’m also typically the kind of person who likes to do a lot of from-scratch cooking, and we have a beautiful kitchen, and damn it I want to use it.

5. I am definitely, very much, showing. The other day me and the missus went out for brunch, and apparently someone she knew asked about the pregnancy while I was in the bathroom, using the phrase “well I thought so, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to assume.” When this was relayed to me I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Lady, you were sure. Thanks for trying to be nice, though.

6. The creature kicks, wiggles, and last night had the hiccups for at least ten minutes.

7. I’m basically strictly in “maternity” clothes at this point. A loose fitting dress that I thought would work for all/most of the pregnancy, at least for around the house, while it fits fine in the belly, has basically run out of room in the boobs-area.

8. We had another midwife appointment the other day, and it basically confirmed that we adore our midwife. Not only did she spent forever listening to my anxieties and fears, and confirm that everything is looking good (growth on track, heartbeat strong and awesome, etc) but she complimented me on my symmetrical stretch marks. I am a beautiful pregnant flower, or something.

9. I’m getting really really excited about getting to meet this new human I am growing in a few months! What will they be like?!?!? Well, like a newborn baby, probably, but still.

10. I have to go lay down again.


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