Thursday Links: I Write For The Internet!

Hello everyone! So I’ve been working my butt off to not miss Friday posts around here, but last Friday fell through the cracks. I had something in the works, and then it just didn’t happen on Friday. And then it didn’t happen on Saturday. And then it didn’t happen on Sunday. By Monday it felt more like “better luck next time…” and less like “crap finish the thing!” And I’m sorry. But I have some reasons! And the reasons are that I’ve been working a lot.

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I mostly do a really good job of not letting the writing I do for other places on the internet interfere with the writing that I do here. It’s a value to me. But on those days when the baby won’t stop screaming and I’m already behind and everything is going to hell, sometimes I have to make tough decisions. When it’s 3pm and I know for a fact that half of my to-do list isn’t going to get done, I have to start prioritizing things. Sometimes that means I have to prioritize the work that pays the rent. I hate that, but the only way to fix it is to pay me for the work I’m doing here or dismantle capitalism. I am open to either/both.

Anyways, here’s what I’ve been up to.

Over at Romper, I was talking more about the parental labor and equality and why it’s important to me. It was a pretty fun piece to write, because I actually realized in process that what I assumed my reasons are is not exactly what my reasons actually are. That is, sure, I don’t want to get saddled with all of the parenting work in part because it’s not fair for me, but also because a more equitable parenting relationship is better for my wife and my kid. Then, I did maybe the weirdest thing I’ve ever done, and cooked with breastmilk and then wrote about it.

For Ravishly, I took a deep dive into identity issues, and attempted to parse out why I consider myself more of a housewife than a stay at home mom. I also got into an issue I’ve been trying to write about for years, which is the connection there is (for me) between my feminism and my love of feral cats. I’m incredibly grateful to have had a platform to dig into an issue that is so near and dear to my heart!

And then, um, I somehow got an article into The Washington Post? It wasn’t even about parenting or feminism or being a queer either! It’s basically a love letter to a kitchen, specifically the tiniest most “horrible” kitchen I’ve ever had the pleasure of cooking in.

And really, that’s just the stuff that’s gone live recently, there’s more work happening that’s still behind the scenes. I love writing for a living, but it is a lot of work, and not to put too fine a point on it, but all of that stuff listed above? Yeah, it still isn’t actually enough to live off of. So I continue to work around my wife’s work schedule and my baby’s nap schedule. And we’re still just scraping by. If you would like to alleviate any of that, free up more time for me to work on the blog, and you are able, now would be a really great time to support Post Nuclear Era.

And now I have to go, my beautiful child is trying to figure out how to climb over the baby gate to follow our cats into the spare bedroom.

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Links For January Eleventh

Hello! From time to time I am doing short link posts to share things elsewhere on the wide, expansive, internet that I think Post Nuclear readers may find of interest. This includes writing by myself, and others. Here you go!

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First, so I don’t look like a totally selfish jerk, stuff by other humans out there.

Brace Yourselves, Grammar Sticklers: Singular “They” Is The Word Of The Year

The Word of the Year is meant to encapsulate the most significant word or term of the year and it has often carried social or political significance. Last year, for instance, the linguists chose #blacklivesmatter, and in 2011, they chose “occupy,” in reference to Occupy Wall Street.

This is of particular importance to me right now, as “they” is the preferred pronoun of so many people that I love.

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Musings of a very tired, still pregnant, scientist

The problem is that we’re stuck in a system with terrible parental leave policies. So, while I hope that I am an understanding mentor when it comes to arranging leave for people in my lab, I also am constrained in what I can do (given university policies, grant policies, etc.). But there are still things I can do. For example, I can try to arrange things so that there’s more analysis or writing (e.g., working on a review) around a woman’s due date, so that at least she can work flexible hours and not have to be in the lab at a particular time. But that still feels like a pretty inadequate solution.

Now that I’m full time parenting, rather than full time gestating, I haven’t been writing much about pregnancy. These are some really good thoughts on what pregnant and birth giving people are expected to endure for work, and how it’s a god damn problem.

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When Forgiveness Isn’t a Virtue

Instead of focusing on healing and comfort, many survivors find themselves obsessing with forgiveness, trying to will away their trauma in order to “move on.” When they can’t do this, not only are they judged by those closest to them, they judge themselves as weak and trapped. The shame of being unable to forgive compounds the pain of the original hurt.

Honestly, it was impossible to choose a quote for this one. The whole piece is solid gold and if you’ve ever known a survivor of any kind of abuse (spoiler: you have, you do, trust me) than you should read the whole thing immediately.

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…and for something a bit lighter…

Why More Women Are Choosing To Have Waterslide Births

Waterslide births give mothers control over their environment. Women can choose the slide to fit their specifications, depending on how fast they want to go and how many twists and turns they want to slide through while giving birth. Women who wish to maintain modesty can choose a closed tube for their slide.

An oldie but a goodie! Obvious satire (gods, I hope it’s obvious!) from Clickhole, this piece showed up in my life again this week and it is so much funnier to me now that I write for women’s sites and parenting sites. Yes, this is exactly what we sound like.

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And now, a couple of things by me out there!

I Made 3 DIY Lactation Smoothies & Here’s What Happened

This was a really bad idea. I did it so you don’t have to.

and

No, My Child Will Not Be Going To The Zoo

I wrote about my extremely icky feelings about zoos, and how that relates to my parenting choices (yeah, not taking the kid to the damn zoo). Interestingly, this has been my first piece to get “a reaction.” People seem to mostly be reacting in one of two ways:

  1. “You obviously don’t know that zoos are better than they used to be (even though the piece clearly states that I *do* know that) and probably get all your information from PETA pamphlets from 1970.”
  2. “Cool article, but you should be vegan otherwise you are the worst.”

and

 

What David Bowie’s Career Meant To the Queer Community, Or At Least What It Meant To Me

because David Bowie died this morning, and I had feelings about it.

December Link Post!

Hey all, I’ve decided to do a short post of links to wonderful (and related) things out there on the big wide internet. I’m thinking of doing them roughly monthly in the future, but it will likely vary depending on what content I want to share with you. Without further ado, then…

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The always amazing Sam Dylan Finch, over at Let’s Queer Things Up, spoke out about the harrassment he has received as a non binary trans person by trans medicalists. Post Nuclear Era aims to stand in solidarity with all LGBTQIA people, and I find in-community harassment and bullying to be especially abhorrent. Sam’s bravery is an inspiration.

It was around that same time that a transmedicalist appeared in my Twitter mentions, accusing me of pretending to be trans for attention and tweeting to followers of mine that they should withdraw support from me because I was not yet on testosterone.

Imagine the hell I was already in: I wanted testosterone and I couldn’t access it.I was struggling to figure out how to come out to my family, fearful of rejection. Every day I was trapped in a body that I could not change, sitting on a secret that I was convinced would destroy my family.

 

Over on Pregnant Chicken, Erin Williams has written a hilarious piece mocking all of those “best toys for 2015” lists parents, and other people shopping for babies and small children, are seeing all over the web right now. I love her ideas for developmentally appropriate baby gifts!

This toy comes in two components, and must be assembled at home (this is an easy DIY- much less frustrating than 97% of all Pinterest projects, according to focus groups). Begin assembly by consuming an entire container of expensive gelato late at night in your sweatsuit, careful not to let any of it drip off your chin and onto the leaflet titled “Why You’re Doing it Wrong” that your pediatrician gave you. Wash empty container, fill with Deck of Cards, and screw on cap.

 

And yours truly wrote a piece for Romper, all about my family’s experience living in a punk house when we were basically homeless. This is my first published piece for Romper, and it is really exciting to see something so near and dear to my heart up there.

She would make coffee and toast in the morning while I fed our kid, and then she’d leave for work. After a short play session with the baby, I would get him down for his first nap of the day and then go downstairs. I loved the house in the morning, it was oddly quiet, light and airy, and everything felt crisp and lovely. Sometimes I would find myself daydreaming about making it our home.

 

Ok, that’s all I have for you right now, because from the sounds of things my baby is pooping himself awake. Wish me luck!